COLUMBUS, OH—Calling bankruptcy an “unfortunate reality” for many current small business owners, a new study published Wednesday by Ohio State University found that most restaurants fail within the first year of it becoming illegal to go to them. “It may sound harsh, but our research found that over 90% of restaurants close just a few months after being declared a high-risk environment where people are no longer allowed to frequent or dine,” said lead researcher Professor Cara Coleman, adding that while many bistros, cafes, and fine dining establishments may seem financially stable at first, they almost always run out of money once the authorities step in and make it physically impossible for staff to work, or for most of their customer base to purchase anything from their kitchen. “Unfortunately, it’s an extremely tough business, and the profit margin from food sales is almost never enough to withstand several months of a city’s residents being confined to their homes, no longer allowed to work, eat out, or travel. The reality is, no matter how good your food is, that first time someone gets arrested or slapped with a $10,000 fine for trying to eat at your establishment can destroy you.” At press time, Coleman advised restaurant owners to raise at least $10 million to $15 million in additional funding if they wanted to survive the next year.
Meanwhile, the road side restaurants run by the "illegals" in my area are the place to go for quality dining in these troubled times. Not only can I get food, buy a burial plot, and get cheap insurance, but we can sing "Somos Novios" while drowning our mutual sorrows in Margaritaville. Dios Bendiga America!